Skip to content

How Often Do You Cave In and Say “Yes” When You Really Want To Give a Strong Determined “No?”

So how often is it?  Daily?  Several times daily?

Everyone does it occasionally, and then asks, “Why did I agree to do this?”  The reason is usually complex.

  • You feel put on the spot.
  • You have a bad case of FOMO (fear of missing out).
  • You want others to like you, be pleased with you.
  • Being asked helps you feel valued or important.

Emotion is the common denominator that powerfully affects our ability to say “No” or “Yes.”  Hear this from Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, MCC, in her post How Your Brain Keeps You from Living Your Best Life:

Your brain is a box of stories that keep you safe… and stuck . . . No matter how smart you are and how much training and practice you have completed, your brain will not point you in the right direction, logically help you make a decision, or help you understand what is causing your confusion or fears if you have any emotions attached to the issue. (emphasis mine).**

**Reynolds, M. (2022). How Your Brain Keeps You From Living Your Best Life.  Retrieved on June 28, 2022, from  The full blog post is a five-minute read.

If your brain will not help you with this, what’s a person to do?

It’s all about the stories by which you live.  You’ve constructed them throughout your life to help make sense of your experiences and help you live with the most psychological comfort.  Every person’s stories are unique and the fact that you have such stories is natural and normal.  The key to personal growth and increasing life satisfaction is to evaluate them and their effects.  This can keep you from getting stuck in stories that fail to serve you well for living and relating.  Here’s Marcia Reynolds again

You need to extract and look at the stories you live by, but you can’t do this alone if you are emotionally attached to the stories. The emotions could be positive (you feel good living with the story) or limiting (you fear what you might see, discover, or experience when you pull the story apart.) You aren’t sure what you are holding onto or afraid of; your brain stops you from objectively evaluating your stories because you might feel uncomfortable facing the reality that emerges.**

**Reynolds, M. (2022). How Your Brain Keeps You From Living Your Best Life.  Retrieved on June 28, 2022, from  The full blog post is a five-minute read.

To adjust your story, you need what neuroscientist Michael Gazzaniga calls a “thought disruptor” who will listen with interest, curiosity, and without judgment to the expressions of your story with the associated emotions.  As they reflect the story back to you, you’ll begin to see the story more clearly with fresh realization of its nature and effects.   Once you see the story, you can do something with it, but it takes that “thought disruptor” to help you get there.

The “thought disruptor” will use a coach approach, which Reynolds says includes “compassionate curiosity, ” and creates a psychologically safe, supportive space for open, transparent dialog.  This person may be a coach or someone who can use the approach.

At True Course, we practice “thought disruption,” supporting our clients, both individuals, and teams, to think about their thinking regularly.

Contact us today.  We would love to support you in further developing your stories.  Active support from us can help you transform the stories you tell yourself into stories and thinking that serve you best in living and relating.



Back To Top