The following cases are general and not intended as specific or scripted approaches to all situations, even if they are similar to the case. They are intended to provide general ideas and illustrate the points in the ezine regarding transparency.
Case 1
Mary was clearly attentive in staff meetings and spoke occasionally but did not often, while others were much more talkative. Some in the meetings were confused about why she didn’t speak up more. To make sense of her behavior, some created the story that Mary lacked confidence. The real story was that Mary was more introverted and thoughtful. She spoke up when she had something to say.
Mary’s colleagues could help the situation with the following.
“Mary, may I check in with you on something?” (if yes, then the following).
“I value your contributions in staff meetings, and I’ve noticed that you seldom speak up. What do I need to know to help me understand what is happening there? How can I support you?”
Mary could take a proactive approach and interpret her behavior to her colleagues.
“May I let you all in on something?”
“In our meetings, I listen carefully and process my thoughts internally. So, when I’m not speaking up, it’s usually because I am processing at the moment. When I have something to say, be sure I’ll speak up and make a contribution. In the meantime, if you want to know what I’m thinking, feel free to ask, and I’ll give you what I can.”
Case 2
When John had an opinion, he expressed it assertively and without “nonsense.” He was most comfortable getting to the bottom line quickly without much discussion. Some of his employees who experienced this created the story that he was inflexible, somewhat cold, and difficult. The real story was that, though John cares deeply about people, he is very task-oriented and focused on getting the job done.
John’s colleagues could help the situation with the following.
“John, could I check in with you on something?” (if yes, then the following).
“I value your ability to summarize and get to the bottom line. Sometimes, this seems inflexible and abrupt. What do I need to know to help me understand what is happening there? How can I support you?”
“When things seem flexible and abrupt, I tend to shut down. In the future, it would help if you could give me more time to dialogue and discuss the issue. Would that be possible? What do you need to know from me?”
John could take a proactive approach and interpret his behavior to his colleagues.
“May I let you all in on something?”
“In our meetings, I am aware that I often drop to the bottom line without much discussion, quickly make a decision, and press toward action. I am very task-oriented and want to get to action, admittedly sometimes too quickly without sufficient regard for input others may still have. It’s not my intention to be unkind, disrespectful, inflexible, or abrupt.”
“Related to this, what do you need from me that would help you most?”
Case 3
When Bill was making a decision, he preferred to talk about every aspect of it aloud. In the process, his team heard him change directions several times. They created the story that Bill must be an unsuitable leader since he couldn’t make up his mind. The real story is that Bill made his best decisions when he could process them aloud with others. To some, he might seem confused, scattered, unorganized in his thinking, and unable to make a decision.
Bill’s colleagues could help the situation with the following.
“Bill, could I check in with you on something?” (if yes, then the following).
“I value your ability to consider many aspects of an issue. When you process your thoughts aloud in meetings, the meeting gets long, people check out mentally, and it sometimes seems you’re having difficulty making up your mind. Can you help me understand what’s happening in those instances?”
“You ultimately make great, creative decisions. How can I help you process your thoughts and be more efficient in our meetings?”
Bill could take a proactive approach and interpret his behavior to his colleagues.
“May I let you all in on something?”
“In our meetings, I am aware that I think out loud, so when you hear me talking through an issue, sometimes repeating myself, and seemingly having difficulty making a decision, I’m thinking out loud.”
“If this presents a problem for anyone, how can I help?”
Case 4
Helen was keen on the details and wanted to be sure she had them all before starting a project. Those who were more flexible and quicker to act made up the story that Helen was obsessive about details and lacked initiative. The real story is that Helen is very conscientious about getting the project done according to expectations. As a result, when she didn’t have all the details about the expectations, she wouldn’t start, which appeared to be a lack of initiative.
Helen’s colleagues could help the situation with the following.
“Helen, could I check in with you on something?” (if yes, then the following).
“When you are working on a project, we know that you will dot every “i” and cross every “t.” This is valuable, though sometimes, too much attention to detail appears to slow you down or delay getting started. What do I need to know to help me understand what is happening there? How can I help you?”
Helen could take a proactive approach and interpret her behavior to her colleagues.
“May I let you all in on something?”
“I am aware that I pay a lot of attention to getting the details right and that sometimes I can get too detailed. It’s important to me to get everything right.”
“If this presents a problem for anyone, how can I help? What adjustments may be needed?”
Please contact me today if you need support crafting a transparent response or proactive interpretation of your behavior in more specific situations.
